• Your daddy must be a terrorist because you're a BOMB!

• Santa in an antique shop, “Do you have anything new?”

• Two taxicab drivers met.
"Hey," asked one, "what's the idea of painting one side of your cab red and the other side blue?"
"Well," the other responded, "when I get into an accident, you should see how all the witnesses contradict each other."

• Husband: Let's go out and have some fun tonight.
Wife: Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway light on.

• An exhausted hunter out in the wilds stumbled into a camp. "I'm glad to see you." he said. "I've been lost for three days."
"Don't get too excited friend." the other hunter replied. "I've been lost for three weeks."

• The mother of a large family was explaining why she dresses her children alike, right down to the youngest baby.
"When we had just four children, I dressed them alike so we wouldn't lose any of them."
"Now," she added, looking around at her brood of nine, "I dress them alike so we won't pick up any that don't belong to us."

• Q: What's the difference between good & bad gals?
A: Good gals loosen a few buttons when it's hot, bad gals make it hot by loosening a few buttons!

• A rabbi took a job at a Duracell factory. His job is to stand on the production line and as the batteries go by, say, "I wish you long life".

• Can I go to the theatre? Asks a mosquito to her mother.
Yes but be aware, pay attention during the applause.

• Q: How do you recognize a Santa's son in School?
A: He is the one who erases the books when the teacher erases the board.