• Banta was visiting Santa, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. Santa responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.
Banta: Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?
"HELLOOOOOO," answered Santa. "They're watch dogs!"

• A teacher asked Pappu: What's the capital of United States?
Pappu: Washington DC.
When asked what "DC" stood for, Pappu added, "Dot com!"

• Q: Did you hear about the blonde who was tap dancing?
A: She broke his ankle when he fell into the sink.

• Santa: I kiss my wife everyday before leaving for office, what about you?
Banta: Me too, after you leave.

• Sign in a pathology: It might be piss and **** for u, but for us it is bread and butter.

• Q: Why doesn't law permit a man to marry a second woman?
A: Because as per law you cannot be punished twice for the same offence!

• Heght of optimism:
Soldier: Sir, we are surrounded!
Major: Excellent! We can attack in any direction now!

• Said to a railroad engineer: What's the use of having a train schedule if the trains are always late.
Rilroad engineer: How would we know they were late, if we didn't have a schedule?

• A girl came back home from the school and asked her grandmother, "Granny, what is a lover?"
"A lover?" the grandmother said. "Let me think. Lov.... Lover.... Oh, my God!"
She rushed to the wall, pulled aside the hanging rug, revealing a hidden closet door. She unlocked the door, and a skeleton of a young man fell out from the closet.

• A recent study showed that the average husband only actually speaks to his wife about thirty-seven minutes each week.
Well, yeah, I can believe that, I mean just how long does it take to say "Uh-huh" or "Yes dear" or "I'm sorry" ?