A guy stopped at a local gas station and, after filling his tank, he paid the bill and bought a soft drink. He stood by his car to drink his cola and watched a couple of men working along the roadside. One man would dig a hole two or three feet deep and then move on. The other man came along behind him and filled in the hole. While one was digging a new hole, the other was 25 feet behind filling in the hole. The men worked right past the guy with the soft drink and went on down the road.
"I can't stand this," said the man tossing the can into a trash container and heading down the road toward the men.
"Hold it, hold it," he said to the men. "Can you tell me what's going on here with all this digging and refilling?"
"Well, we work for the government and we're just doing our job," one of the men said.
"But one of you is digging a hole and the other fills it up. You're not accomplishing anything. Aren't you wasting the taxpayers' money?"
"You don't understand, mister," one of the men said, leaning on his shovel and wiping his brow.
"Normally there's three of us: me, Elmer and Leroy. I dig the hole, Elmer sticks in the tree and Leroy, here, puts the dirt back. Now just because Elmer's sick, that don't mean that Leroy and me can't work."
-- Edited by deadlydivs at 14:58, 2006-08-16
__________________
~*~*~*~g@lz wId a$$e$ lIkE mInE, dOnT t@lK 2 gUyZ wId f@cEs LiKe uRz~*~*~*~
~!~!~!G|_|RL P()W3R~!~!~!
A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.
His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says, "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'"
"But why?" asks the man.
"I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.
-- Edited by deadlydivs at 15:03, 2006-08-16
-- Edited by deadlydivs at 15:09, 2006-08-16
__________________
~*~*~*~g@lz wId a$$e$ lIkE mInE, dOnT t@lK 2 gUyZ wId f@cEs LiKe uRz~*~*~*~
~!~!~!G|_|RL P()W3R~!~!~!
At a recent computer software engineering course, the participants were given an awkward question to answer:
"If you had just boarded an airliner and discovered that your team of programmers had been responsible for the flight control software, how many of you would disembark immediately?"
Among the ensuing forest of raised hands only one man sat motionless. When asked what he would do, he replied that he would be quite content to stay aboard. With his team's software, he said, the plane was unlikely to even taxi as far as the runway, let alone take off.
A guy had told all of his friends about the great steak he'd eaten downtown the day before. A group of them decided to head down and see if it was really as large and delicious as he was making it out to be.
The group was seated in the back of the restaurant. After looking over the menu, they ordered and waited, hungrily, for their large, delicious, gigantic steaks.
To their collective disappointment, the waiter brought out some of the smallest steaks they'd ever seen.
"Now see here," the very embarrassed guy said to the waiter. "Yesterday, when I came down here you served me a big, juicy steak. Today, though, when I have my friends with me, you serve tiny steaks! What is the meaning of this?"
"Yes, sir," replied the waiter, "yesterday you were sitting by the window."
A young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his father, who was a minister, if they could discuss his use of the car. His father said to him, "I'll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up, study your Bible a little, and get your hair cut, then we will talk about it."
A month later the boy came back and again asked his father if they could discuss his use of the car. His father said, "Son, I'm real proud of you. You have brought your grades up, you've studied your Bible diligently, but you didn't get hair cut!"
The young man waited a moment and replied, "You know Dad, I've been thinking about that. You know Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair."
His father replied, "Yes son, and they walked everywhere they went!"
During a visit to a mental hospital a visitor asked the Director what determines whether a person should be commited or not "well said the Director ,"we fill a bathtub with water then we offer a spoon, a teacup, and a bucket to the patient and then ask them to empty the water out of the bathtub , here is your test which of the following would you use, A: teaspoon B: teacup C: the bucket Oh okay I understand a normal person would choose the Bucket since it is bigger than the spoon and cup, "No said the Director a normal person would pull the stopper out of the tub
BELIEVE it or not, these are REAL 911 Calls!
Dispatcher: 9-1-1 what is your emergency? Caller: Someone broke into my house and took a bite out of my ham and cheese sandwich. Dispatcher: Excuse me? Caller: I made a ham and cheese sandwich and left it on the kitchen table and when I came back from the bathroom, someone had taken a bite out of it. Dispatcher: Was anything else taken? Caller: No, but this has happened to me before and I'm sick and tired of it!
Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is the nature of your emergency? Caller: I'm trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn't have an eleven on it. Dispatcher: This is nine eleven. caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one Dispatcher: Yes, ma'am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing. Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I'm not stupid.
Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What's the nature of your emergency? Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart Dispatcher: Is this her first child? Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband!
And the winner is..........
Dispatcher: 9-1-1 Caller: Yeah, I'm having trouble breathing. I'm all out of breath. Darn....I think I'm going to pass out. Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from? Caller: I'm at a pay phone. North and Foster. Dispatcher: ! Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic? Caller: No Dispatcher: What were you doing before you started having trouble breathing? >Caller: Running from the Police.
Joan, who was a rather well-proportioned secretary, spent almost all of her vacation sunbathing on the roof of her hotel. She wore a bathing suit the first day, but on the second, she decided that no one could see her way up there, and she slipped out of it for an overall tan.
She'd hardly begun when she heard someone running up the stairs. She was lying on her stomach, so she just pulled a towel over her rear. "Excuse me, miss," said the flustered assistant manager of the hotel, out of breath from running up the stairs. "The Hilton doesn't mind your sunbathing on the roof, but we would very much appreciate your wearing a bathing suit as you did yesterday."
"What difference does it make?" Joan asked rather calmly. "No one can see me up here, and besides, I'm covered with a towel."
"Not exactly," said the embarrassed man. "You're lying on the dining room skylight."
A group of blondes walk into a bar. One of the women tells the bartender to line up a row of drinks for all of them. The gals lift their glasses and toast, "Here's to 51 days!" and they proceed to down their drinks. Once again, they tell the bartender to "line 'em up", and once again they toast 51 days and down their drinks.
The bartender says, "I don't get it. Why in the world are you toasting 51 days?"
One of the blondes explains, "We just finished a jigsaw puzzle. It had written on the box '2-4 years,' but we finished it in 51 days!"
A sucessful business man became disenchanted with the stress of the fast life in the big city and decides to chuck it all. He takes his savings and purchases a large ranch in the middle of nowhere in Montana.
After a couple of months of enjoying the solitude he hears the drumming of hoofbeats outside his cabin. Grabbing his rifle he challenges the man riding up on the horse.
"Hold it neighbor" the man says, " I'm your neighbor, I have a ranch only six miles from here, and I want to invite you to a Welcome Party I'm throwing for you next Saturday. There's going to be music, dancing, hugging, kissing, drinking, fighting.... We'll have a great time".
Not wanting to be unneighborly the new rancher lowers the rifle and ask's " How should I dress?"
" Aw, don't matter" replied the neighbor, " Only gonna be the two of us".
__________________
~*~*~*~g@lz wId a$$e$ lIkE mInE, dOnT t@lK 2 gUyZ wId f@cEs LiKe uRz~*~*~*~
~!~!~!G|_|RL P()W3R~!~!~!
>> >> >> >>Yesterday, I was passing by your rectangular house >>in face,conical nose >> >>and spherical eyes,standing in your triangular >>garden. Before seeing you >> >>my heart was a null set, but when a vector of >>magnitude (likeness) from >> >>your eyes at a deviation of theta radians made a >>tangent to my heart, it >> >>differentiated. My love for you is a quadratic >>equation with real roots, >> >>which only you can solve by making good binary >>relation with me. The >> >>cosine of my love for you extends to infinity. I >>promise that I should not >> >>resolve you into partial functions but if I do so, >>you can integrate me by >> >>applying the limits from zero to infinity. >> >> >> >>You are as essential to me as an element to a set. >>The geometry of my life >> >>revolves around your acute personality. My love, >>if you do not meet me at >> >>parabola restaurant on date 10 at sunset,when the >>sun is making an angle >> >>of 160 degrees, my heart would be like a solved >>polynomial of degree 10. >> >> >> >>With love from your higher order derivatives of >>maxima and minima, of an >> >>unknown function. >> >> >> >>Yours ever loving, >> >>Pythagoras.
There was a very religious man named Jim, who lived near a river. One day, the river rose over the banks and flooded the town, and Jim was forced to climb onto his porch roof. While sitting there, a man in a boat came along and told Jim to get in the boat with him.
Jim said, "No, that's okay. God will take care of me."
So, the man in the boat drove off.
The water rose higher, so Jim climbed onto his roof. At that time, another boat came along, and the person in that one told Jim to get in.
Jim replied, "No, that's okay. God will take care of me."
The person in the boat then left.
The water rose even more, and Jim climbed onto his chimney. A helicopter came along and lowered a ladder for him. The woman in the helicopter told Jim to climb up the ladder and get in.
Jim said, "That's okay."
The woman said, "Are you sure?"
Jim replied, "Yeah, I'm sure God will take care of me."
Finally, the water rose too high and Jim drowned. Jim got to heaven and was face-to-face with God.
Jim said to God, "You told me that you would take care of me! What happened?"
God replied, "Well, I sent you two boats and a helicopter. What else did you want?"
"It's clear" said the teacher, "That you haven't studied your geography. What's your excuse?" "Well, my dad says the world is changing every day. So I decided to wait until it settles down!"
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Teacher: What can you tell me about the Dead Sea? Pupil: Dead? I didn't even know he was sick!
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Sardar enters kitchen and opens the sugarbox. Sees inside and closes it. Wife observes the whole episode Again he comes and does the same stuff. Wife askes : Why are you doing this ? Sardar replies: Doc told to check sugar level regularly
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Signs to show you are having a bad day :-
1.) your twin brother/sister forgets your birthday 2.) you call the suicide prevention hotline, and they put you on hold 3.) your blind date turns out to be your ex 4.) your doctor tells you u are alergic to chocolate 5.)the bird singing outside your window is a vulture
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While trying to play an online computer game, the game said:
"Could not connect to servers Explanation: Our game server computers were unable to connect to your browser. This can occur due to a number of unusual reasons far too muddled to properly explain here."
Some examples of why the human race has probably evolved as far as possible. These are actual instruction labels on consumer goods...
On Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)
On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (The shoplifter special!)
On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap. (and that would be how?)
On some Swann frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost. (But it's 'just' a suggestion!)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box) Do not turn upside down. (Too late! you lose!)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: Product will be hot after heating. (Are you sure? Let's experiment.)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: Do not iron clothes on body. (But wouldn't that save more time?)(Whose body?)
On Boot's Children's cough medicine: Do not drive car or operate machinery. (We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)
On Nytol sleep aid: Warning: may cause drowsiness. (One would hope!)
On a Korean kitchen knife: Warning: keep out of children. (hmm...something must have gotten lost in the translation...)
On a string of Christmas lights: For indoor or outdoor use only. (As opposed to use in outer space.)
On a food processor: Not to be used for the other use. (Now I'm curious.)
On Sainsbury's peanuts: Warning: contains nuts. (but no peas?)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: open packet, eat nuts. (somebody got paid big bucks to write this one...)
On a Swedish chainsaw: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands. (Raise your hand if you've tried this...)
American: Takes the insect out and drinks the beer
Chinese: Eats the insect and throws the beer away
Japanese: Drinks the beer with insect as it is coming free
Indian: Sells the beer to the American and insect to the Chinese and gets
a new mug of beer. .....INTELLIGENT INDIANS
Pakistani: -Accuses the Indian for throwing insect into his beer -Relates the issue to Kashmir -Asks the Chinese for Military aid -Takes a loan from the American to buy one more mug of beer
7 Engineers and 7 Doctors are going from PUNE to Mumbai. So they both gather at Pune Station. Both groups are desperately trying to prove their superiority.
SCENE 1 (PUNE- MUMBAI) : --------------------------------------- 7 engineers take only 1 Ticket and 7 doctors buy all 7 tickets.. Doctors are desperately waiting for TC to come...... When TC arrives, All 7 Engineers get in one toilet So when TC knocks , one hand come out with the ticket and the TC goes away.... ---------------------------------------- NOW on return Journey All of them don't get a direct train to PUNE. So they all decide to take a Passenger till Lonavala, from there they can easily get a LOCAL to PUNE
SCENE 2 (MUMBAI - LONAVALA) : --------------------------------------------- Doctors decided, "this time we will prove that we too are equal"....All 7 Doctors take 1 Ticket. Engineers don't buy any ticket at all!!!!!.. TC arrives.... ALL DOCTORS IN ONE TOILET.ALL ENGINEERS IN THE OPPOSITE ONE.. One engineer gets out and knocks the door of Doctors toilet, One Hand comes with the tickets, he takes the ticket and comes in engg. Bathroom... TC DRIVES out ALL the doctors from the toilet and they are heavily fined
--------------------------------------------- SCENE 3 ( LONAVALA) : ----------------------------------------- SO now both the group r on LONAVALA station. Doctors planning their move for last chance, they board the local to Pune. This time doctors decide that they will play the same(1 ticket) trick. ALL Doctors take 1 tickets...Engineers BUY all 7 tickets this time... SO TC Comes.. All Engineers showed their tickets..... Doctors are still searching for toilet in the LOCAL train........... ---------------------------------------------------------------- Conclusion: Technically intelligent people are genius, So don't mess with Engineers.
>> > >> >Medical College - >> > >> > >> >First-year students at Medical College were receiving their first >>Anatomy >> >class with a real dead human body. They all gathered around the >>surgery >> >table with the body covered with a white sheet. >> > >> >The professor started the class by telling them: "In medicine, it >>is >> >necessary to have 2 important qualities as a doctor. The first is >>that you >> >not be disgusted by anything involving the human body." >> > >> >For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his >>finger in >> >the butt of the corpse, withdrew it and stuck his finger in his >>mouth." Go >> >ahead and do the same thing," he told his students. >> > >> >The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but >>eventually >> >took >>turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead body and sucking on >> >it. >> > >> >When everyone had finished, the Professor looked at them and told >>them, >> >"The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my >>Middle >> >finger and sucked on my Index finger. Now learn to pay >>attention.” >> > >> >
> In some remote village of India, one masterji is teaching the Mahabharat katha to class 6 students.
>
He is at the " krishnajanma" part of it.
>
Masterji: Kansa heard the akashwani that his sister's 8th child is going to kill him. He was furious. He ordered to put vasudev n devki behind the bars.
> First son is born, and kansa kills him by poisoning... Second one is born n kansa throws him off the mountain peak. Third one is born......."
> Ramu, who is smartest of the lot, puts up his hand. Masterji, I have a doubt (sounding nervous n confused)
> Masterji: "Ramu bete, whole India does not have doubt in Mahabharata then how come u have one?"
> Ramu : Masterji, if Kansa knew that Devaki's 8th child was going to kill him, WHY THE HELL DID HE PUT VASUDEV AND DEVAKI IN THE SAME CELL ?
don get dieas...i din do dis...don hav enuf time to act sit n do it...got it frm a frnd...wuz a frwrd...thot i wud post it here...really amazing.....
chck out the wrds...d rearrange dem to find out wat it meanzz!!!!!!!!!!!
DORMITORY: > > When you rearrange the letters: > > DIRTY ROOM > > > > >XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX >XXXXXXXXXXXXXX > > PRESBYTERIAN: > > When you rearrange the letters: > > BEST IN PRAYER > > > > >XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX >XXXXXXXXXXXXXX > > ASTRONOMER: > > When you rearrange the letters: > > MOON STARER > > > > >XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX >XXXXXXXXXXXXXX > > DESPERATION: > > When you rearrange the letters: > > A ROPE ENDS IT > > > > >XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX >XXXXXXXXXXXXXX > > THE EYES: > > When you rearrange the letters: > > THEY SEE > > > > >XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX >XXXXXXXXXXXXXX > > GEORGE BUSH: > > When you rearrange the letters: > > HE BUGS GORE > > > > >XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX >XXXXXXXXXXXXXX > > THE MORSE CODE: > > When you rearrange the letters: > > HERE COME DOTS > > > > SLOT MACHINES: > > When you rearrange the letters: > > CASH LOST IN ME > > > > >XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX >XXXXXXXXXXXXXX > > ANIMOSITY: > > When you rearrange the letters: > > IS NO AMITY > > > > >XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX >XXXXXXXXXXXXXX > > ELECTION RESULTS: > > When you rearrange the letters: > > LIES - LET'S RECOUNT > > > > >XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX >XXXXXXXXXXXXXX > > MOTHER-IN-LAW: > > When you rearrange the letters: > > WOMAN HITLER > > > > >XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX >XXXXXXXXXXXXXX > > SNOOZE ALARMS: > > When you rearrange the letters: > > ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S > > > > >XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX >XXXXXXXXXXXXXX > > A DECIMAL POINT: > > When you rearrange the letters: > > IM A DOT IN PLACE > > > > >XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX >XXXXXXXXXXXXXX > > THE EARTHQUAKES: > > When you rearrange the letters: > > THAT QUEER SHAKE > > > > >XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX >XXXXXXXXXXXXXX > > > > > > > > > > AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE: > > > > > > > > > > > > ELEVEN PLUS TWO: > > When you rearrange the letters: > > TWELVE PLUS ONE
In Year 1981 1. Prince Charles got married 2. Liverpool crowned Champions of Europe 3. Australia lost the Ashes 4. Pope Died
In Year 2005 1. Prince Charles got married (again) 2. Liverpool crowned Champions of Europe(again) 3. Australia lost the Ashes (again) 4. Pope Died (again)
Moral of the story - In future, if Prince Charles decides to re-marry... please warn the Pope !
*** WHAT IT MEANS TO HAVE A North Indian GIRL as WIFE ***
1. At the time of marriage, a north Indian girl has more boyfriends than her age.
2. Before marriage, she looks almost like a bollywood heroine and after marriage you have to go around her twice to completely hug her.
3. By the time she professes her undevoted love to you, you are bankrupt because of the number of times you had to take her out to movies, theatres and restaurants. And you wait longingly for her dowry.
4. The only dishes she can think of to cook is paneer butter masala, aloo sabji, aloo gobi sabji, aloo matar, aloo paneer, that after eating all those paneer and aloos you are either in the bed with chronic cholesterol or chronic gas disorder.
5. The only growth that you see later in your career is the rise in your monthly phone bill.
6. You are blinded by her love that you think that she is a blonde. Only later do you come to know that it is because of the mehandhi that she applies to cover her grey hair.
7. When you come home from office she is very busy watching "Kyonki saas bhi kabi bahu thi" that you either end up eating outside or cooking yourself.
8. You are a very "Especial" person to her.
9. She always thought that Madras is a state and covers the whole of south India until she met you.
10. When she says she is going to "work out" she means she is going to "walk out"
11. She has greater number of relatives than the number of people you have in your home town.
12. The only two sentences in English that she knows are "Thank you" and "How are you"
*** WHAT IT MEANS TO HAVE A South Indian GIRL as WIFE ***
1. Her mother looks down at you because you didn't study in IIT or Madras / Anna University.
2. Her father starts or ends every conversation with "... I say..."
3. She shudders if you use four letter words.
4. She has long hair, neatly oiled and braided (The Dubai based Oil Well Company will negotiate with her on a 25 year contract to extract coconut oil from her hair.)
5. She uses the word 'Super' as her only superlative.
6. Her name is another name for a Goddess or a flower.
7. Her first name is longer than your first name, middle name and surname combined (unless you are from Andhra)
8. When she mixes milk/curd and rice you are never sure whether it is for the dog or for herself.
9. For weddings, she sports a mini jasmine garden on her head and wears silk saris in the Madras heat without looking too uncomfortable while you are melting in your singlet.
10. Her favorite cricketer is Krishnamachari Srikkanth.
11. Her favorite food is dosa though she has tried North Indian snacks like Chats (pronounced like the slang for 'conversation')
12. She bores you by telling you which raaga each song you hear is based on.
13. You have to give her jewellery, though she has already got plenty of it.
14. Her Mangal Sutra weighs more than the championship belts worn by WWF wrestlers.
15. Her father thinks she is much smarter than you.
HIS DIARY VS HER DIARY: >>>> >>>> >>>>HER DIARY: >>>> >>>>Day night - I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to >>>>meet >>>> >>>>at a cafe to have some coffee. I was shopping with my friends all >>>> >>>>day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit >>>>late, but >>>>he made no comment. Conversation wasn't flowing so I >>>> >>>>suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk, he agreed >>>> >>>>but he kept quiet and absent. >>>> >>>>I asked him what was wrong - he said, "Nothing." I asked him if >>>>it was my >>>>fault that he was upset. He said it had nothing to do with me and >>>>not to >>>>worry. On the way home I told him that I loved him, he >>>> >>>>simply smiled and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior; I >>>>don't know >>>>why he didn't say, "I love you, too." >>>> >>>>When we got home I felt as if I had lost him, as if he wanted >>>>nothing to do >>>>with me anymore. He just sat there and watched TV, he >>>> >>>>seemed distant and absent. Finally I decided to go to bed. About >>>>10 minutes >>>>later he came to bed. I decided that I could not take it >>>> >>>>anymore, so I decided to confront him with the situation but he >>>>had fallen >>>>asleep. >>>> >>>>I started crying and cried until I too fell asleep. I don't know >>>>what >>>> >>>>to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. >>>>My life is a >>>>disaster. >>>> >>>>; >>>> >>>>` >>>> >>>>` >>>> >>>>` >>>>'HIS DIARY >>>> >>>>Today India lost the cricket match. DAMN IT.
__________________
~*~*~*~g@lz wId a$$e$ lIkE mInE, dOnT t@lK 2 gUyZ wId f@cEs LiKe uRz~*~*~*~
~!~!~!G|_|RL P()W3R~!~!~!
1. Cigarette : A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool at the other. 2. Love affairs : Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a five day test. 3. Marriage : It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master 4. Divorce : Future tense of marriage 5. Lecture : An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either". 6. Conference : The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present. 7. Compromise : The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece. 8. Tears : The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water-power .. 9. Dictionary : A place where divorce comes before marriage. 10. Conference Room : A place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody disagrees later on. 11. Ecstasy : A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before. 12. Classic : A book which people praise, but do not read. 13. Smile : A curve that can set a lot of things straight. 14. Office : A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life. 15. Yawn : The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth. 16. Etc. : A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do. 17. Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together. 18. Experience : The name men give to their mistakes. 19. Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions. 20. Philosopher : A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead. 21. Diplomat : A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip. 22. Opportunist : A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river. 23. Optimist : A person who while falling from Eiffel Tower says in midway "See I am not injured yet." 24. Pessimist :- A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, Instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY. 25. Miser : A person who lives poor so that he can die rich. 26. Father : A banker provided by nature. 27. Criminal : A guy no different from the rest... except that he got caught. 28. Boss : Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early. 29. Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after. 30. Doctor : A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills. 31. Computer Engineer : One who gets paid for reading such mails.....
__________________
~*~*~*~g@lz wId a$$e$ lIkE mInE, dOnT t@lK 2 gUyZ wId f@cEs LiKe uRz~*~*~*~
~!~!~!G|_|RL P()W3R~!~!~!
