1 Know anything about a car except its colour 2 Understand a film plot 3 Go 24 hours without sending a text message 4 Lift 5 Throw 6 Run 7 Park 8 Read a map 9 Rob a bank 10 Sit still 11 Tell a joke 12 Play pool 13 Pay for dinner 14 Eat a kebab while walking 15 Argue without shouting 16 Get told off without crying 17 Understand fruit machines 18 Walk past a shoe shop 19 Make a decent bacon sandwich 20 Not comment on strangers clothes 21 Use small amounts of toilet paper 22 Let you sleep with a hang over 23 Drink a pint gracefully 24 Get a round in 25 Throw a punch 26 Do magic 27 Like your friends 28 Eat a really hot curry 29 Get to the point 30 Buy plain envelopes 31 Take less than 20 minutes in the toilet 32 Sit in a room for 5 minutes without saying " I'm Cold " 33 Go shopping without telephoning 20 friends 34 Avoid credit card debt 35 Dive into a pool 36 Assemble furniture 37 Set a video recorder 38 Not try to change you 39 Watch a war film 40 Understand why flirting results in violence 41 Spend a day by themselves 42 Go to the toilet by themselves 43 Buy a purse that fits in your pocket 44 Choose a video quickly 45 Get this far without having argued with at least 1 of the above
Question: An elephant was in love with a she-elephant.
But the she-elephant went and got married to some other elephant. So our elephant was very Depressed.
One of his friends felt sorry for him, and took him to a park to cheer him up. In the park, they sat on a see-saw, but the see-saw broke. Now, which song would
our hero sing?
Ans: "See-saw ho ya dil ho, aakhir toot jaata hai."
Question: Two hairs on a bald man's head fall in love with each other and want to get married, but cannot. Why?
Ans: Because under Indian laws, "baal vivaah" is illegal. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Question: One fine morning, Ravan felt guilty day for all his bad deeds. He felt that he should go an apologise to Ram for all the problems he had caused.
So he went to Ram's house and knocked on the door. Ram opened the door and was surprised to find Ravan standing there. Ravan just kept staring and thinking but didn't say a word.
What was he thinking? Ans: "Kis mooh se maafi maangoon?" -----------------------------------------------------------
A railway station beggar meets another beggar.A software engineer meets another software engineer. Both of them ask the same question to each other. What is the question?
"So, which platform are you working on?" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Question: What do you call a person who is leaving India? Ans: Hindustan Lever
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Question: What do you call a person who leaves India, but doesn't travel much? Ans: Hindustan Lever Limited. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Question: Kalidas ka ek bhai joote banata tha. Uska naam kya tha? Ans: Adidas. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Question: What is the similarity between Satynarayan pooja and the Indian cricket team? Ans: Dono ke ant me "Prasad" aataa hai.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Question: Who is Joe? Ans: Kambakth ishq.. Because "Kambakth ishq hai Joe!"
Woh kaun sa hindi geet hai jis main "Internet Explorer" ka zikar kiya gaya hai??? Hint: The heroine also refers to herself as Internet Explorer. If you don't know...
One woman told another : "My neighbour is always speaking ill of her husband, but look at me, my husband is foolish, lazy and a coward; but have I ever said anything bad about him ?"
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Question:The Madrasi said, I want to see the movie "my heart is an umbrella'. Which movie did he really want to see? Ans: Dil Chhaata Hai. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1. Marriage is not a word. It's a sentence (a life sentence).
2. Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore marriage is an institution for the blind.
3. Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her masters.
4. Marriage is a three-ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring and suffering.
5. Married life is full of excitement and frustration: In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.In the third year, they both speak and the NEIGHBOUR listens.
6 Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.You order what you want, and when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that instead.
7. There was this man who muttered a few words in the church and found himself married. A year later he muttered something in his sleep and found himself divorced.
8. A happy marriage is a matter of giving and taking; the husband gives and the wife takes.
9. Son: How much does it cost to get married, Dad? Father: I don't know son, I'm still paying for it.
10. Son: Is it true Dad? I heard that in ancient China, a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her. Father: tat happens everywhere, son, EVERYWHERE!
11. Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.
12. They say that when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage it is self-defense.
13. When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a 10-year married man looks happy, we wonder why.
14. There was this lover who said that he would go through hell for her. They got married, and now he is going through HELL.
16. When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
17. Eighty percent of married men cheat in America, the rest cheat in Europe.
18. After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin. They just can't face each other, but they still stay together.
19. Marriage is man and a woman become one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
20. Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After the marriage the "Y" becomes silent.
21. I married Miss right; I just didn't know her first name was Always.
22. It's not true that married men live longer than single men, it only seems longer.
23. Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.
24. A man was complaining to a friend: I HAD IT ALL-MONEY, A BEAUTIFUL HOUSE, THE LOVE OF A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN, THEN POW! IT WAS ALL GONE. WHAT HAPPENED, asked his friend. He says MY WIFE FOUND OUT.
25. WIFE: Let's go out and have some fun tonight. HUSBAND: OK, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway
lighs on.
27. Man is incomplete until he gets married, then he is finished.
28. It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.
29. A man inserted an ad in the paper - WIFE WANTED. The next day he received a hundred of letters and they all said the same thing - YOU CAN HAVE MINE.
30. When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing - either the car is new or the wife is.