Steven Spielberg's smash hit dinosaur flick "Jurassic Park" is the latest victim of the Telugu film industry's remake factory. The blockbuster special-effects extravaganza is being re-made for a Telugu audience, and the script will undergo some modification to appeal to the discerning Telugu movie go-er.

"What is there in Spielberg or George Lucas? They make good films, but our film will be better than the original. We are using Indian values to add some interest value." said someone named Rao.

Reports reveal that the main story line will involve a dinosaur whose mother is kidnapped by smugglers. The dinosaur then sets off on a long journey to rescue her, discovers that the kidnappers had killed his father over the issue of some merchandising rights, and gets his revenge by blowing up a few helicopters. On the way, he meets and falls in love with a girl dinosaur with big breasts and garish clothes, and marries her at the end of the film. Efforts are on to design a dinosaur with a moustache, as this is essential for a hero to be successful in Telugu.

There will also be some spectacular song and fight sequences, including a group dance atop the Eiffel tower, and a brutal fistfight involving some fruit carts and an eagle.

"What is the use of brown dinosaurs? So boring. We are going to have more colorful dinosaurs - probably pink, lime-green and royal purple, "said someone named Reddy. When asked if they might also be candy-striped or polka-dotted, he angrily retorted "What? Are you crazy? How can dinosaurs have patterns?"

The film is tentatively titled "Jurassic Alludu", but producers are also toying with alternatives like "Bobbili Dino" and "T-Rex No.1."

A presidential staff advisor walks into the daily meeting a little late and notices that everyone has a glum look on their face -- some even look a little frightened -- and Clinton isn't in the room.

"What's the matter?" he asked

"Well, we had some bad news, and just got some even worse news."

"What's the bad news?"

"India has detonated some atomic weapons at their underground test site; Pakistan has done the same at their proving area; and China is warning them both that this could lead to regional war -- that may go nuclear."

"Oh my God, what could be worse than that?"

"Well, Bill just got hold of some Viagra."