!*^& JoKe$ &^*!

khush_cool · Guru

!*^& JoKe$ &^*!

khush_cool · Guru

RE: !*^& JoKe$ &^*!

khush_cool · Guru

A Test of Intelligence

20 Correct - Genius

17 Correct - Above Normal

15 Correct - Normal

8 Correct - Nincompoop

6 Correct - Moron

3 Correct - Idiot

============================

1. Do they have a 4th of July in England?

2. How many birthdays does the average man have?

3. Some months have 31 days; how many have 28?

4. A woman gives a beggar 50 cents; the woman is the beggar's

sister, but the beggar is not the woman's brother. How come?

5. Why can't a man living in the USA be legally buried in Canada?

6. How many outs are there in an inning?

7. Is it legal for a man in California to marry his widow's sister? Why?

8. Two men play five games of checkers. Each man wins the same number of games. There are not ties. Explain this.

9. Divide 30 by 1/2 and add 10. What is the answer?

10. A man builds a house rectangular in shape. All sides have southern exposure. If a local bear walks by, what color is the bear? Why?

11. If there are 3 apples and you take away 2, how many do you have?

12. I have two US coins totaling 55 cents. One is not a nickel. What are the coins?

13. If you have only one match and you walked into a room where there was an oil burner, a kerosene lamp, and a wood burning stove, which one would you light first?

14. How far can a dog run into the woods?

15. A doctor gives you three pills telling you to take one every half hour. How long would the pills last?

16. A farmer has 17 sheep, and all but 9 die. How many are left?

17. How many animals of each sex did Moses take on the ark?

18. A clerk in the butcher shop is 5' 10" tall. What does he weigh?

19. How many two cent stamps are there in a dozen?

20. What was the President's name in 1950?

STROLL DOWN FOR ANSWERS...

ANSWERS

----------------------------------------

1. Yes.

2. One.

3. All of them (12).

4. The beggar is her sister.

5. He can't be buried if he isn't dead.

6. Six

7. No - because he is dead.

8. They aren't playing each other.

9. 70

10. White. The house is at the North Pole so it is a polar bear.

11. Two.

12. 50 cent piece and a nickel. (The other one is a nickel.)

13. The match.

14. Half way. Then he is running out of the woods.

15. One hour.

16. 17, 8 dead and 9 alive.

17. None - Noah took them on the ark.

18. Meat.

19. Twelve.

20. Same as it is now.

erm i got 16 rite....wut abt u??????

khush_cool · Guru

Do you see it?

Try this. It's pretty cool. Try not to cheat and look at the
answer. Set this window to full screen. Stare at the following and
see if you can find the hidden image... You'll be quite amazed when
it comes into view. (start as close to the screen as you can and
then move back about 30 cm)

!!!///////****\|||||{{{{{######****""""""x"x"&&&^^^<<<""""~
{{{{{{===**++++*****++++++++++++++?????????????/////////////%
||||||@@@@@444+=+=****&^"""""""}}}}}}}]]]]<<<<<<<%%$
=/////////^^!~~~~~::---))))*****+++@@@@@@@@<%%%]^*/=
====]\\\\\///////*****<<<<<<<{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}%%%%~~~~~@!!!
?????&&??===~!~!~!~!=====++(*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*)----------%%%%*

Remember what you saw and scroll down to the bottom for the answer.

If you had trouble and didn't see it, try getting close to the
screen and relax your eyes. Scroll down to compare the answer to
what you saw.

It's.........NOTHING, now, get back to work. I can't believe you
fell for that one.

khush_cool · Guru

A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Amal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mom. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Amal.
Her husband responds, "But they are twins--if you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

deadlydivs · Queen

lol........u loser..cant believe i fell fo dat starin trick!!!!!!!!!!! UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!

khush_cool · Guru

lol....don worry...i fell fr it too !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sagar_2good · Guru

haha ....... i knew it - girls had to fall in such a lame trap ..... aaw .... hahaaaaa

deadlydivs · Queen

yea rite sagar like u dint do it 20 times too be4 givin up in defeat.....we may fall for lame traps bt we also pack good solid kick,,,wanna c????

deadlydivs · Queen

During the course of a heated softball tournament, the coach felt the need to remind one of his players about the importance of team play and good sportsmanship.

The coach asked the player if he knew and remembered what good sportsmanship was.

The player replied, "Yes."

The coach then asked him if he knew he shouldn't curse at the umpire or throw things in anger.

The player again replied "Yes."

"Good," said the coach, "now could you please go tell your wife."

deadlydivs · Queen

RE: !*^&amp;amp; JoKe$ &amp;amp;^*!

deadlydivs · Queen

RE: !*^&amp; JoKe$ &amp;^*!

sagar_2good · Guru

RE: !*^& JoKe$ &^*!

khush_cool · Guru

A Police Officer was waiting along the side of a highway waiting to catch speeding drivers. There weren't as many violators this day as usual. The State Police Officer sees an old car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the car, he notices that there are five elderly ladies-two in the front seat and three in the back-wide eyed and white as ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?" "Ma'am," the officer replies, "you weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers." "Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly... Twenty-two miles an hour!"
the old woman says a bit proudly. The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that "22" was the route number, not the speed limit A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error. "But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask... is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time," the officer asks with concern. "Oh, they'll be all right in a minute officer.
We just got off Route 215."

khush_cool · Guru

One day a friend asked, "Why aren't you married? Can't you find a woman who will be a good wife?"

Fred replied, "Actually, I've found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them."

His friend thinks for a moment and says, "I've got the perfect solution, just find a girl who's just like your mother."

A few months later they meet again and his friend says, "Did you find the perfect girl? Did your mother like her?"

With a frown on his face, Fred answers, "Yes, I found the perfect girl. She was just like my mother. You were right, my mother liked her very much."

The friend said, "Then what's the problem?"

Fred replied, "My father doesn't like her."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

khush_cool · Guru

A man placed an advertisement in the classifieds: “Wife wanted.”

The next day he received a hundred letters.

They all said the same: “You can have mine.”

———————————————————

A woman was telling her friend, “I made my husband a Millionaire.”

“And what was he before you married him?” asked the friend.

“A billionaire.” she replied.

———————————————————-

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.

Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

———————————————————-

It’s not true that married men live longer than single men.

It only seems longer.

———————————————————-

Losing a wife can be very hard.
In my case, it was almost impossible.

——————————————————

Just think, if it weren’t for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.

———————————————————

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

———————————————————-

A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can ask for whatever he wants, but his mother-in-law gets double of what he gets.

The man thinks for a moment and says,” Okay, give me a million dollars and beat me till I’m half dead.”

———————————————————

The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.

———————————————————-

First guy (proudly): “My wife’s an angel!”

Second guy: “You’re lucky, mine’s still alive.

khush_cool · Guru

My wife dresses to kill. She also cooks the same way.

———————————————————-

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

———————————————————–

A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong.

————————————————————

I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, “There was water in the carburetor.”

I asked her, “Where’s the car?”

She replied,” In the lake.”

————————————————————–

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

—————————————————————–

After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, “You know, I was a fool when I married you.”

The husband replied, “Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn’t notice.”

—————————————————————-

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

————————————————————–

I haven’t spoken to my wife in 18 months - I don’t like to interrupt her.

———————————————————

My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate. So I got myself two girlfriends.

———————————————————

A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it since the thief was spending much less than his wife did.

———————————————————–

Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.

———————————————————-

A little boy asked his father, “Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?”

The father replied, “I don’t know son, I’m still paying.”

———————————————————-

Young Son: Is it true, Dad, that in some parts of Africa a Man doesn’t know his wife until he marries her?

Dad: That happens in every country, son.

———————————————————

Then there was a man who said, “I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; then it was too late.

———————————————————-

khush_cool · Guru

A School Master from a remote rural area in Bihar was
transferred to a new School in Mumbai.
He reported for duty two days after the actual
date of joining. Consequently he was asked for an explanation in writing...
____________ _________ _________

Deer sur,

If small small mistakes getting inside my letter, I
big you pardon, ass I am not a good englis speaker.
This is my fist vijit to Bombai. Stickly speaking, I wanted to joint your school more fastly, but for the following region, too much time lost in getting slipper reservation in three-tyre compartment.

I tolded , I has head ache problem due to migration. Still the clerk rejected to give ticket to I and my sun. I putted a complain on station masterji. He said I to go to the lady clerk. At first she also rejected. I then pressed for long time and finally with great difficulty she gave birth to my sun.

Anyway I thanked the station master also
because he was phully responsible for getting birth of my sun.
Ass a hole it was a bhery diphicult experiment in my hole life.

I hope u will look into explain my hole story after, and late me joint first.
I am now ending this fastly. I am a waiter for
your responsement.

May God blast you!"
Yours awfully,
RAMKHILAWAN YADAV

khush_cool · Guru

RE: !*^& JoKe$ &^*!

khush_cool · Guru

RE: !*^& JoKe$ &^*!

khush_cool · Guru

Sardar: I saw my wife going to a movie with a strange man
Friend: Why didn't you follow them inside?
Sardar: Oye, no yaar I have already seen that movie

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ***
Scientists are trying to figure out how long a person can live without brain.. Please tell them your age!!!!!!
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ***
Dad to son: when I beat you how do you control your anger?
Son: I start cleaning toilet
Dad: How does that satisfy you?
Son: I clean it with your toothbrush
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ***
Munna bhai: agar bina daton ka kuta kate to kya karna chahiye?
Circuit: simple, bina sui ke injection lena chahiye
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ***
Bikhari: 50 paise de de maine 3 din se khana nahin khaya hai
Knjoos: 10 rupaye dunga , pahele ye bata 50 paise mein khana kahan milta hai
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ***
Santa: Yaar bachpan mein 20 male se gir gaya tha
Banta: to fir bach gaya ya mar gaya ?
Santa: yaad nahin hai bahut purani baat hai
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ***

khush_cool · Guru

Last week a man fell into a keg of beer and came out to a bitter end.....

~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~

Percy: dad, how do fishermen make thier nets?

Dad:easily, they just take a lot of holes and sew them together.

~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~

Sol: i say, that's a 100 pound cheque you're writing!

Gus: Yes, its for my sister.

Sol: But you havn't signed it

Gus: No, i don't want her to know who sent it.

~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~

Why is history the sweetest lesson???

A- Because it's full of dates!

~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~

khush_cool · Guru

Bobby had been warned to be on his best behaviour when his rich aunt visited, After tea bobby asked, 'Aunty, when are you going to do your trick?'

'What trick my dear?' his aunt enquired.

'Well" said bobby, 'dad says you drink like a fish.'

~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~

One day a worried-looking man knocked at a womans door. 'i'm very sorry, but i think i ran over your cat. i would like to replace it too.'

'well' the lady said,'can you catch mice?'

~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~

khush_cool · Guru

Once a cruise ship carrying people from all the nations was going on a around
the world' tour when it got grounded. The ship became slow and finally came to a
grinding halt.
Captain of the ship called an emergency meeting and told the passengers,
"Friends, we are in trouble because of God's being angry with us. We need to
give sacrifice and I need three people to sacrifice their life so that rest of
us can be saved."
All of them moved towards the Deck where a japanese came forward and shouted
"Long live japan" and jumped into the sea.
Then a Israeli jew stepped forward said "Hellulaja" and dived into the sea.
After that no one came forward for few seconds while people stared at each other
and suddenly out of nowhere a Pathan came forward near the railing and chanted,
"Allah-u-Akbar"
And Kicked the AMERCIAN standing next to him in the sea.

khush_cool · Guru

RE: !*^& JoKe$ &^*!

khush_cool · Guru

RE: !*^& JoKe$ &^*!

khush_cool · Guru

A FOOLish man tells a woman to STOP talking, but a WISE man tells her that she looks extremely BEAUTIFUL when her LIPS are CLOSED.

2. One GOOD way to REDUCE Alcohol consumption :

Before Marriage - Drink whenever you are SAD
After Marriage - Drink whenever you are HAPPY

3. Three FASTEST means of Communication :

1. Tele-Phone
2. Tele-Vision
3. Tell to Woman

Need still FASTER - Tell her NOT to tell ANY ONE.

4. Love your friends not their sisters. Love your sisters not their friends.

5. A man got 2 wishes from GOD. He asked for the Best wine and Best Woman. Next moment, he had the Best Wine and Mother Teresa next to him.

Moral : BE SPECIFIC

6. What is a BEST and WORST news you can hear at the SAME time ?
It is when your Girl Friend says YOU are the BEST KISSER among all your Friends.

7. Let us be generous like this :

Four Ants are moving through a forest.
They see an ELEPHANT coming towards them.
Ant 1 says : we should KILL him.
Ant 2 says : No, Let us break his Leg alone.
Ant 3 says : No, we will just throw him away from our path. Ant 4 says : No, we will LEAVE him because he is ALONE and we are FOUR.

8. If you do NOT have a Girl Friend - You are missing SOME thing in your life. If you HAVE a Girl Friend - You are missing EVERY thing in your life.

9. Question : When do you CONGRATULATE someone for their MISTAKE.
Answer : On their MARRIAGE.

10. When your LIFE is in DARKNESS, PRAY GOD and ask him to free you from Darkness. Even after you pray, if U R still in Darkness - Please PAY the ELECTRICITY BILL.

11. Why Government do NOT allow a Man to MARRY 2 Women. Because per Constitution, you can NOT PUNISH TWICE for the same Mistake.

khush_cool · Guru

RE: !*^& JoKe$ &^*!

khush_cool · Guru

RE: !*^& JoKe$ &^*!

khush_cool · Guru

1. What is height of Fashion?
A. Dhoti with a zip

2. What is height of Secrecy?
A. Offering blank visiting cards.

3. What is height of Activelaziness?
A. Asking for a lift to house while on a morning walk.

5. What is height of Craziness?
A. Getting a blank paper Xeroxed.

6. What is height of Forgetfulness?
A. Seeing the mirror and trying to recollect when you saw him / her
last.

7. What is height of Stupidity?
A. A man looking through a keyhole of a glass door.

8. What is height of Honesty?
A. A pregnant woman taking one and a half ticket.

9. What is height of Suicide?
A. A dwarf jumping from the footpath on the road.

10. What is height of De-hydration?
A. A cow giving milk powder.